Medicine

Once the loneliness hugged me tight

Until my chest tightened so that I can’t breathe

The rage of the darkness is killing my soul

Until I feel so numb in the end

The tears really worth the pain

But it can’t heal anyway

Now you come to replace the loneliness

You help me to breathe properly

The light in your mind casts out the darkness

You bring back every feeling that I want to feel

Your hands wipe my tears away even from afar

And you are the best medicine I’ve ever had

September 9th, 2020.

I dedicate this poem to my very beloved friend who always be there when I need her, Irene.

Photo was taken from WordPress’s library.

Short Story: Two Souls in Coincidence Meet

P.S. This is my second short story that I wrote in English. If there are many grammatical errors, then pardon me, since English isn’t my first language. Any advice and critics are open, but please be polite.

P.S.S. I deliberately use my own name as a character because I really wish that this thing would happened in my next life. The explanation from my side is true. So you can guess that this story 50% based on true story.

Enjoy reading.

Two Souls in Coincidence Meet

My eyes opened as the sun raised. I yawned because I’m still sleepy but I forced my body to get up from bed. Here myself again, have to do my daily activity, which is go back and forth to campus.  I’m just an ordinary girl who has never gone through special things in my entire life. But I have a secret that I never tell to anyone. Every day, I feel like I’m waiting for someone I didn’t know, and I feel like my heart wants him to be around. I always ignore this feeling and never take this seriously, so I decided not to tell anyone. But there is once in a time that this feeling is getting stronger that I can’t help myself from crying. Probably this is the weirdest thing I have experienced, I guess.

After I prepared my things, now I’m ready to go to campus. I ate my breakfast that my mom cooked this morning. I had a little talk with her and she told me to be careful wherever I go. I told her not to worry about me, and then I left my house and walked to the bus stop. Just for your information, my campus is quite far from my house, so I need to take the bus every time I have to go to campus.

Now I have arrived in my campus. One of my friends told me that the lecturer didn’t come because he has another business, so he told us to summarize the material that has been given by him. I decided to do the task in the campus library with my other friends so that my arrival is not in vain because I only had one class today. As you can see, my life is so boring. And I’m not interested to do something new.

I have done my task. My friends asked me to eat lunch in the canteen but I’m not hungry yet, so I reject them. It’s better for me to eat lunch at home so I can save my money and buy some novels that have been my aim. I’m a big fan of romance novels. Just by reading a novel, I feel that my life will not be boring because I will be lost in a fantasy world. To be honest, I’m the only one who likes to read novels, my friends said that it’s a boring activity. Huh.

So I walked alone to the bus stop with my earphone in my ears. I sang the song that played in my playlist softly while I’m waiting for the bus to come. I inhaled the air deeply and enjoy the view around me. My campus is just like a forest, full of trees and any other plants that I didn’t know the name. You can say that my campus is so quiet. Very suitable as a place to contemplate about your life. Sometimes I’m lost in a fantasy that my head made, what my life would be if I did this and that.

Someone poked my shoulder. I took off the earphone in my ears so that my attention is on him. I can see the doubt on his face as he scratched the back of his neck. I know he want to talk to me but I guess he’s too afraid.

“Uhm, can you lend me your phone? I was about to call my sister but suddenly my battery was running low and I forgot to bring my power bank.” Finally he said it.

I smiled in response and hand over my phone to him. “Sure. Use it as long as you need.”

He smiled back at me. “Thank you! Promise you that I won’t be long!” And that is the sweetest smile someone has ever given to me. I swear to God, he really has a sweet smile. I’m not exaggerating.

While he talking through the phone with his sister, I pay my attention on him. He is a foreigner who is so tall, I can’t guess what is his height though. His skin is quite pale, but he doesn’t look like a vampire, the other way around, he’s so handsome and charismatic. And I really like to see his dark brown hair, looks so soft. I want to comb his hair with my hand so bad.  I wondering about what brand of shampoo does he use?

It’s not his physical appearance that made me interested on him. I can feel that he has a really bright side in his mind. The way he asked for my help, the way he smiled, everything looked so warm. I think the sun is really inside his mind.

He approached me and handed my phone back. At this close, I got the chance to look into his beautiful hazel eyes. His eyes really drowned me. And suddenly, this feeling comes. The feeling that I’m waiting for someone and wants him to be around. I feel like he’s the person I have been waiting for. My brain doesn’t want to believe it but my heart is sure that he is the one.

“Hey, were you waiting for the bus earlier? The bus is coming!” His words interrupted my reverie. My tears almost run down if he didn’t interrupt my reverie because of this damn feeling. I felt so grateful that I still can control my facial expression. Did he feel bothered when I looked into his eyes before? “Thank you for the phone. You really saved my life!” He winked.

I chuckled. “No worries!”

The bus is here. “Okay, I’m leaving now!” I got up from my seat and got into the bus. I can see that he smiled at me and said “be careful” to me. I gave my thumbs up so he knew that I will stay careful wherever I go, just like my mom said to me.

***

“What a coincidence that we met here.”

I turned my head to the person sitting next to me. The charming guy who has the sweetest smile in the world. I smiled towards him. “Yeah, what a coincidence,” said I. Just to be honest, I’m really happy that I had the chance to meet him again. I still need an answer why my longing feeling is getting stronger whenever he is around me.

“Bali always has a beautiful beach and sunset, hasn’t it?” He stared at the sun that almost set. The twilight showed its charming to this charming guy who is sitting next to me. Perhaps it doesn’t want to feel beaten by him. “You are so lucky because you live in this beautiful place. I can sit for many hours just to see the sun set and enjoy the view, walk for many hours and getting lost in the new place, and many more, just to keep myself away from drama. I really love this island.”

“I understand why you love this island so much. I also love my home land, but I haven’t had the chance to explore my own home land. I don’t have enough time for it.” I chuckled in sarcasm. “It’s funny when you don’t have a chance to explore your own home land.”

“You should someday. Time and fate like to play on helpless people like us.” He turned his gaze to me. I think he is observing something in myself. I looked back at him because his eyes are my addiction. “I don’t even know your name.”

“Wayu. Just call me Wayu.”

He frowned, indicating that he was thinking quite hard. Does he think that my name is too weird for him? “Your name feels familiar to me.”

“Of course it does! There are bunch of people who have the same name as me.” I shook my head. I guess he wanted to say something else of my name. “I have told my name. Now yours.”

“I don’t think I ever heard about your name before but it is so familiar for me. Like, really familiar.” He was silent for a moment. I couldn’t say anything as he said that my name is familiar for him. How come someone feels so familiar with something but they never even heard that name? Weird. “Delvin. You can call me Delvin.”

“Okay, Delvin. Really nice to see you by coincidence.”

He laughed at me. “Yeah, really nice to see you too.”

And now we both enjoyed the sunset and the atmosphere in this beach. Delvin smiled by himself. I know he really loves seeing sunset, and maybe it’s part of his life. Seeing him happy is the very first thing that I want to see in my entire life. I didn’t know what’s wrong with my feeling, but there is a very strong bond that I can’t see.“I can send you sunset pictures when you already back to your country,” said I.

“That would be really nice for me. I always miss the sunset here,” he answered and smiled.

“Delvin, do you believe in reincarnation?” I asked him with that question.

He raised his eyebrows, maybe a little confused with my question. “What’s with that random question?”

I shrugged. “I just want to know your opinion about such thing.”

“Okay then, since you asked. If you asked me if I believe in a reincarnation, I would say that I don’t know. No one ever knew that they were reincarnated. If someone is already dead, why do they want to come back to life with another body form? But it’s just a question, I didn’t say that I don’t believe it. Maybe there is such thing in this world.”

“Maybe because they want to fix something that hasn’t been fixed in their previous life.” I answered his question. “Did you know why I asked you this question? Because I feel like I know you for a long time, even though we just met.”

Delvin seems interested in my explanation. He gave me a deep look, telling me to continue my explanation about him.

“Let me be frank to you. All this time, I was always waiting for someone that I didn’t even know who he is. I’m longing for that person, and I feel so bad that seems like I ever hurt him in the past. My heart really wanted him to be around me. I want to fix everything with him, and spend the rest of my life with him. I feel like I did very terrible things in the past but I didn’t even know what it is. I buried the guilt deep down inside my heart all the time.” Finally, my tears run down from my eyes. My chest feels so tight, like there was a boulder pressed against it. “But since we met in the bus stop, I felt like you are the person that I’ve been looking for all this time. And after we parted at the bus stop, I felt so lost. Just so you know, I’m really happy to meet you again in this beach.”

“That’s why I felt so familiar with your name,” he said softly. I could hear him say that but I didn’t understand what he meant.

“I’m sorry if I bothered you with my confession. I really can’t stand my feeling because I have buried it for a long time.” I wiped my tears away. And now I feel so embarrassed because I was crying in front of him. He would think that I’m a cry baby. But after this, I feel really relieved. I didn’t dare to look him in the eyes, so I diverted my eyes to the twilight.

“Hey, look at me,” he said. Now I looked him in the eyes as he wants. “Did you know that you are the person I’ve been looking for too?”

Hearing his words, I was really shocked. How could two people share the same feeling like this? Is this what he meant that he was familiar with my name? But why I didn’t feel familiar with his name though?

“Just like you, I was always waiting for someone that I didn’t know who she is. I felt like I’m longing for a long time and it really hurted me. I did feel that she has hurt me, but I’m still want her to be around me. I don’t want to be separated from her anymore because it was so torturous. I always pray to God that I will meet with her again, and I promise to protect her at all cost, although I have to sacrifice my life. Whenever I saw you at the bus stop, my heart beats so fast that I want to hug you so tight and protect you from danger. It hurted me yet I was so happy to see you at that time. My heart knew what it wanted.”

I shook my head hardly, and suddenly my tears run down again. I don’t want to lose him this time, I really don’t want to. I’ve been in hurt for many years and I don’t want to feel that feeling again. “No, don’t do that again. Don’t sacrifice your life for me ever again. I don’t want to lose you in this life. Please just stay. Don’t do that again.” I begged him.

He wiped away my tears with his hand. I can look the sadness and longing in his hazel eyes. It was so real for me. He suddenly hugged me tight and rubbed my back to comfort me. I feel like he is also crying because my shirt is wet. I hugged him back tightly.

“No, I won’t do that again. Promise you that I will always stay by your side forever whatever happens. Let’s spend our time together for the rest of our life, as you want. The future is waiting for us.”

-THE END-

The photo was taken from google. Credit in the photo.

September 8th, 2020.

Absence of Soul

all his words are bright like the sun

his soul shines with the midnight moonlight

the sky opens itself so an angel

can eventually back home to a magnificent place

butterflies are flying

waves are crashing

leaves are falling

wind is blowing

twilight is indulging

his ashes giving me those beautiful signs

just so I won’t forget his existence

and surrounded by this longing feeling

that I feel about all the time

15th August 2020

Wayupd

Dedicated to someone whom I love so much

Cerpen: Misteri Sebuah Kematian

Misteri Sebuah Kematian

Untuk pertama kalinya aku membenci seseorang dalam hidupku.

Kenapa? Kalian kaget? Namun, itulah kenyataannya. Sebelumnya aku benar-benar tidak pernah peduli dengan orang-orang di sekelilingku, atau apa saja yang terjadi di sekitarku. Buat apa? Hanya buang-buang waktu saja. Terlalu banyak hal tidak penting yang tidak menguntungkanku. Lebih baik aku duduk tenang sambil mendengarkan musik klasik, lalu berkutat dengan sintaks-sintaks pemrograman setiap harinya. Tentu saja itu lebih bermanfaat, bukan? Aku bisa mengembangkan skill-ku, lalu aku akan jadi programmer sukses.

Sampai seseorang menyuruhku untuk tidak bersikap apatis, atau aku akan menyesal seumur hidupku. Hah, memangnya kenapa? Toh itu juga tidak merugikan siapapun. Bahkan, orang itu mengatakan hidupku sangat menyedihkan dan membosankan. Tau apa dia? Ini hidupku dan aku yang menjalaninya. Bukan dia, bukan orang lain, bukan siapapun. Tentu saja aku tidak terlalu memikirkannya.

Suatu saat, semua pelajaran membuat program sudah aku kuasai. Lalu apa? Apa yang bisa kulakukan lagi? Sekian detik aku berpikir, kata-kata orang itu kembali terngiang dalam benakku. Haruskah aku mengikuti kata-katanya untuk tidak bersikap apatis? Kalau mau berkata jujur, hidupku memang sedikit membosankan. Ingat, hanya sedikit. Tidak ada salahnya aku bermain-main sebentar.

Aku mulai memperhatikan orang-orang di sekelilingku. Bah, mereka terlihat sangat palsu. Senyum-senyum indah yang mereka tampilkan, tentu saja memiliki niat kotor di dalamnya. Aku sangat yakin dengan hal itu. Belum lagi, pekerja-pekerja yang hanya ingin disanjung oleh atasan mereka, bukannya fokus untuk mengabdi bagi instansi. Hah, aku menyesal telah mengikuti saran orang itu. Namun sayangnya, aku tak bisa berhenti. Hey, ada apa dengan diriku?

Satu orang. Ada satu orang yang paling aku benci saat ini. Dia adalah teman satu jurusanku. Tidak, bukan teman, kebetulan saja kami satu jurusan. Dia benar-benar terlihat palsu di antara yang paling palsu. Dia pintar memanipulasi orang lain dengan keadaan yang dibuat-buat. Sering menjilat dosen agar nilai-nilainya di atas rata-rata, padahal dia tak tahu apa-apa. Aku kasihan dengan orang-orang sial yang harus berkelompok dengannya untuk mengerjakan projek. Tindakannya benar-benar membuatku bergidik jijik.

Perasaan jijik itu semakin menjadi. Semakin hari, tingkahnya semakin aneh dan membuatku geram. Dia berusaha mendekatiku untuk mengambil keuntungan dariku. Dia kira aku bodoh? Aku tak akan semudah itu masuk perangkapnya. Rasanya aku sangat geram, sampai-sampai aku ingin melihatnya mati dengan wajah yang dicabik-cabik agar dia tak lagi bisa menggunakan wajahnya untuk menjilat orang lain. Aku muak melihatnya.

Dua hari kemudian, kampusku digemparkan dengan berita kematian seseorang dengan wajah yang tercabik-cabik. Kematiannya misterius, tidak diketahui penyebabnya. Entah kenapa, otakku menyuruhku untuk melihat jasad orang itu. Hey, ternyata dia adalah orang yang keberadaannya membuatku muak! Tubuhnya tergeletak begitu saja di kamar mandi kampus dengan wajah yang sudah sangat rusak dan berlumuran darah. Dahiku mengernyit samar. Apa-apaan ini? Kenapa kematiannya persis seperti yang aku bayangkan? Jelas-jelas itu hanya berada di kepalaku saja, dan aku tidak berniat merealisasikannya. Ah, pasti ini hanya kebetulan. Ya, ini hanya kebetulan.

Aku tidak terlalu memikirkannya dan menjalani kehidupan seperti biasanya. Semua berjalan sesuai ekspektasiku, sampai akhirnya ada seorang mahasiswi pindahan yang tiba-tiba saja datang ke kelasku. Wajahnya ditutupi bedak tebal, bibirnya merah menyala, pipinya terlihat sangat merah. Penampilannya sangat mengganggu penglihatanku. Namun, aku memutuskan untuk tidak memedulikannya selama dia tak mengganggu ketenangan hidupku. Awas saja kalau berani.

Salah, ternyata aku salah. Keberadannya sangat mengganggu dan itu menjengkelkan! Selain penampilannya mengganggu penglihatanku, dia selalu menempel padaku dan mengekoriku, serta menyuruhku untuk tidur dengannya sebagai bayaran jika aku mau menjadi tutornya. Bahkan dalam mimpi pun, aku tidak sudi untuk tidur dengannya. Cih, perempuan itu menjijikkan! Aku bahkan ragu kalau dia bersih dari penyakit menular seksual.

Aku geram, sangat geram. Aku benar-benar berharap jika dia memang akan mati gara-gara penyakit menular seksual! Dia telah merenggut ketenangan hidupku, dan dia harus membayar mahal atas itu. Aku benar-benar tidak ingin melihatnya dalam jangkauanku! Atau aku akan memakinya dan memuntahkan apa saja di wajahnya!

Selama berminggu-minggu, aku tak melihat keberadaannya di kampus. Bagus, itu sangat bagus. Aku mendapat kembali ketenangan hidupku. Aku tidak peduli ke mana dia pergi, atau apa yang dia lakukan, yang penting seluruh inderaku tidak menyadari keberadaannya.

Berita menggemparkan kembali terdengar. Mahasiswi yang beberapa hari menghilang, ternyata menjalani pengobatan sampai akhirnya dia meninggal akibat penyakit sifilis. Hey, aku bahkan memikirkan penyakit sifilis lah yang diidap oleh perempuan itu! Apa yang sebenarnya terjadi? Kenapa jika aku memikirkan kematian seseorang, beberapa hari kemudian, hal tersebut akan terealisasi di kehidupan nyata. Aku sedang tidak bermimpi, bukan? Keadaan macam apa ini? Atau mungkinkah ini sebuah gangguan psikologi? Akan tetapi, aku tidak yakin dengan hal itu. Selama ini, aku merasa baik-baik saja, tidak ada gangguan mental apapun yang aku rasakan.

Pada akhirnya, aku memutuskan untuk tidak masuk kuliah untuk menenangkan diriku atas apa yang terjadi. Itu semua bukan salahku, kan? Aku bahkan hanya memikirkannya, bukan melakukannya! Tentu saja itu berbeda. Apalagi masalah perempuan itu, sama sekali bukan aku yang harus bertanggung jawab atas penyakit yang dideritanya. Itu kan salahnya sendiri? Kenapa dia gemar menawari tubuhnya pada orang lain?

Kepalaku berdenyut keras karena memikirkan apa yang terjadi. Hal ini benar-benar di luar kebiasaanku. Aku tidak pernah peduli pada siapapun, pada apapun. Namun, hidupku berubah seperti di neraka semenjak ada seseorang yang menyuruhku untuk tidak bersikap apatis. Andai saja aku tidak menuruti sarannya, aku pasti masih menjalani kehidupanku dengan tenang. Hanya kalimat pengandaian yang terlintas di otakku, dan aku membencinya.

Sekian jam aku berpikir, aku hanya menemukan jalan buntu. Akan tetapi, ada satu hal yang mengganjal. Sebenarnya, di mana aku bertemu orang itu? Orang yang menyuruhku untuk tidak bersikap apatis. Aku bahkan tidak pernah terlibat percakapan seperti itu pada orang lain selain membahas tugas-tugas kampus. Hal lainnya, aku tidak pernah ingat kapan aku bertemu dengannya. Aku juga tidak mengenali wajahnya. Siapa dia sebenarnya!? Rasanya aku ingin menjambak rambutku sampai habis!

Terdengar sebuah ketukan di pintu kamar kosku. Aku tidak merasa bahwa aku mengundang seseorang untuk datang. Tidak banyak juga yang mengetahui lokasi kosku. Siapa yang datang? Benar-benar mengganggu waktu berpikirku!

Ketika aku membuka pintu, seorang lelaki jangkung berdiri di sana. Wajahnya pucat dan tatapan matanya tajam, seolah ingin menusukku. Ekspresi wajahnya sangat kaku. Aura yang dipancarkannya… membuatku bergidik ngeri, sangat dingin dan menyeramkan. Hawa-hawa hitam samar terlihat di sekeliling tubuhnya. Aku ragu bahwa dia manusia. Dia pun sepertinya bukan seseorang dari jurusanku, kalau aku tidak salah ingat.

Tiba-tiba saja dia masuk sebelum aku mempersilakannya. Hey, selain wajah dan auranya yang menyeramkan, dia tidak punya sopan santun! Aku sangat geram ketika melihatnya duduk tegak di kasurku. Apa yang sebenarnya dia lakukan di sini!? Aku bahkan tidak mengenalnya!

“Kita bertemu lagi,” katanya dengan suara yang sangat rendah. Sebelah bibirnya terangkat dengan sinis, seolah mengejekku.

Aku menyipitkan mata, sepertinya dia sengaja memancing emosiku. “Apa maksudmu!? Aku tidak pernah bertemu denganmu, aku bahkan tidak mengenalmu! Jangan mengada-ada!”

Orang itu menyilangkan sebelah kakinya. Cara duduknya sudah lebih rileks dari sebelumnya. Orang itu terkekeh kecil. “Kau benar-benar payah dalam mengingat. Aku adalah orang yang menyarankanmu untuk tidak bersikap apatis. Baru beberapa minggu berjalan, kau sudah melupakanku. Pantas saja kau tidak punya teman.”

“Tidak, kau bohong! Aku tidak pernah ingat jika itu kau, dan tidak pernah ingat jika aku pernah bertemu denganmu! Aku bahkan tak pernah tahu kapan dan di mana kita bertemu!” seruku dengan nada tinggi. Emosiku sudah mencapai batasnya, tetapi sepertinya orang itu masih terlihat sangat santai.

“Kita bertemu dalam mimpimu.”

“Apa!?”

“Aku tahu kau tidak tuli,” balasnya.

Kemudian, dia bangkit dari duduknya dan berdiri di hadapanku. Aku harus mendongak agar aku dalat menatal wajahnya. Tidak ada lagi rasa takut yang menghinggapiku, hanya rasa geram dan amarah.

Orang itu mengangkat kedua bahunya melihat respons yang aku berikan. “Aku yang mencabik-cabik wajah mahasiswa yang kaubenci itu hingga dia menjemput ajalnya.” Orang itu diam sejenak, sebelum akhirnya melanjutkan, “Aku pula yang mengirim penyakit sifilis pada perempuan itu hingga dia tak lagi berada dalam jangkauanmu. Perempuan yang malang, padahal dia tak memiliki penyakit apapun sebelumnya.” Wajah menyedihkannya terlihat sangat palsu dan mengada-ada.

“Kenapa kamu melakukannya!?” Aku berteriak padanya, tidak percaya dengan apa yang sebelumnya dia katakan.

“Tanya dirimu sendiri, kenapa kau memikirkannya dalam otakmu? Aku hanya melakukan tugasku saja. Tidak ada yang salah dengan hal itu, bukan?” Senyum sinis kembali tercetak di wajahnya. “Aku sudah terlalu lama di sini. Aku pamit.”

Dan tiba-tiba saja dia menghilang dari hadapanku.

-TAMAT-

My First Journey: Walking in My City

December 29th 2019

Such a terrible day for me because my mind was always acting up, but I was also excited because Jumanji: The Next Level has released. It’s one of my favorite movies so I decided to go to the cinema using the online transportation so I wouldn’t be late.

At first, I was planned to buy a ticket for 2 PM but turned out it was sold out. Because I didn’t want to cancel my plan, finally I bought a ticket for 4 PM. I had to wait for two hours straight until the movie played. I was doing nothing but observed so many people at the cinema while I was waiting the movie. They looked so happy and excited to come to the cinema with their beloved ones, or maybe they just covered their sadness in front of the people they love perfectly just like I did now. Spending your time with your beloved ones indeed could make you happy and relieve your sadness, but at that time I really needed to be alone and thinking about so many terrible things I had done in the past.

Felt that I’ve been thinking too much,I decided to send a text to one of my close friends. It felt so much better since I was so bored for waiting the movie to play. We talked about so many things through WhatsApp and discussed about our holiday plans after the semester ended. I know her since we were in junior highschool, but we became a chairmate after we entered senior highschool. Because of that, we became close friend. After we entered college, we had no time to meet each other even though we are in the same univ and even faculty. I couldn’t wait to meet her during this holiday because I really needed to meet and talk with someone before I went crazy.

I stopped chatting with her when the woman in the speaker said that the movie was about to play. I went to the theatre straightforward. The light was turned off and the movie started to play. Jumanji: The Next Level takes place three years after the first movie, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. It’s a fantasy adventure comedy movie that will make you laugh until the last minute. From the first movie, Welcome to the Jungle, a group of teenagers trapped in a game called Jumanji and they faced a lot of problems and challenges to save the land from a villain. Now, in The Next Level, the group back on the adventure with new members, problems, challenges, and avatars. I enjoyed the movie so much that could make me forget about all the burdens that I carried on my shoulder.

After I finished watching the movie, I decided to go home with a walk. I deliberately didn’t use the online transportation because I wanted to save my money and enjoyed the city atmosphere. Also, my house isn’t so far from the cinema. The city where I live in, it’s not as crowded as other cities. You can still enjoy the twilight after the sun set, it’s so beautiful and calming. Although there are still many people that using their private transportation, but I think it won’t annoy your time that much if you decide to take a walk.

When I was walking on the road, people didn’t stop staring at me because it’s so weird that I walked by myself and I didn’t care at all. People on here are so rare to walk and they definitely choose the private transportation because it’s way more easier and faster. To be honest, I really like the city atmosphere at night, especially when I see the light everywhere. It can calm my heart and relieve my stress. Isn’t it weird? When people like to go to the natural place such as beach, lake, mountain, or forest, but I’m here with my addiction of the city atmosphere. I think I’m the one who has the weirdest addiction, haha, a rare species. Though I didn’t like a city that is too crowded and polluted, it just made my head dizzy.

I took some photos about things that I found interesting in my city because I didn’t want to miss any moment of this journey. Here are the documentation:

This is the most famous landmark in my city. It called Catur Muka Statue because it has four faces that facing to the four cardinal directions. The statue looks so sturdy and gallant. This statue symbolizes the God Brahma.

This is the twilight that you can see after the sun set. The building is a traditional market with a modern style. This photo is my favorite one.

This is the government building, not sure though. I’m sorry if the photo was blurry.

My photos didn’t look that good since I took it by my phone and I’m not a professional photographer. But I was so satisfied with the result. I smiled all the way back home after taking the photos. I really had a great time at that day and I don’t mind if I spend my time with doing this thing again.

Anger of The Storm

the storm is controlling me

to destroy everything in front of my eyes

don’t listen to anyone who prevents you

i won’t surrender until you follow what i said

the anger now sue me to do my work

this kind of feeling

i asked, is it hard to be so happy in this world?

for what you like, for what you do

no one even cares, no one even understands

it’s just a weird and strange things they see

back and forth to finally found out my happiness

but evryone destroys it with the invisible knife of words

tell me between the lines that you don’t deserve to be happy

my anger is the only thing that hug me for now

the storm surrounds my heart and my mind

they are so dominant that I can’t controll

i can’t even breathe lightly

there’s a fire that ready to burn everything

for all the reasons that don’t make sense

these tears coming from my inability to express the storm and anger

i’m tired of this kind of situation

that didn’t let me to enjoy my things

⚡⚡⚡

20th May 2020

Unforgiven Things

the faith is mad at me

she said to me that my fault is unforgiven

there’s no way for you to live a life

in a peaceful and lovely world

you are just belong with yourself

the one and only who deserves to be broken

you can’t save anyone, especially yourself

such a loser in every damned situation

your tears, your fears, worth nothing

your body will always trapped in the dark

yelling at yourself why is this so hard to be in pain

the understanding from around won’t come

all these days, your hands are what matter

to hug yourself, prevent to do unforgiven things

which will only makes things worse

soft voices always tell you to surrender

but that decision will make everything worser

there’s no use of moving on

the shadow of the past will always haunt you

to the deepest trough of your heart

the one who is broken,

12th May 2020

The Magnificent Night Sky

The magnificent night sky

Everyone adores her

Especially me who falls

I’m trying to get her attention

So I can talk to her deeply, more deeply

Then I found out she’s crying

No one hears, no one cares

She can’t deal with the magnificent view she has

“It’s hard,” she said.

I gave her soothing gaze while trying to calm her down

“No one knows about what I’ve hidden in my heart. No one willing to know. They just care about what’s in the outside.”

Her tears coming down

And I murmered, “Just give me a chance.”

Wayupd

7th May 2020

P.S. photo was taken from WordPress’s library.

Appreciate Little Things

The softest fur

Makes my heart blur

And it takes time to cure

But I don’t mind to endure

The smallest love

Hanging from the above

Forces me to take it

Before someone replace it

The greatest smile

Please stay for awhile

Don’t let someone fade it away

So I can stay longer than they ever say

The biggest sincere

The most thing I needed ever since

So the night can be the peace

And my heart always wants to lives

Wayupd

22nd April 2020

P.S. Photo was taken from WordPress’s library.

Hugs The Sea

My body hugs the sea
He is calm, peaceful, comfortable
I spend all my time
To be with him, to get to know him
Closer, deeper
Until my body sink
Into a pleasant strange feeling

My body hugs the sea
He is angry, broken, disappointed
I spend all my tine
To be with him, to calm him down
More tightly, more deeply
Until my body sink
Into an unpleasant strange feeling

My body hugs the sea
Until our souls separated at the end

Wayupd
6th April 2020

Note: photo from WordPress’s library.