I remember it when I met you on that shinny day. You were talking with so many people there and everyone seemed to really admire you, the way you talk, the way you smile, and the way you appreciate other people’s existence. And I was there, watching you from afar, admiring you too. It was so endearing when I finally got to feel something in my heart after being numb all this time. You were the definition of sunshine that everyone would like, including me.
Then suddenly I got the chance to talk to you, to get to know you more than anyone else. The way you always took care of me, the way you always asked how was my day, the way you always paid attention to every little detail in me, made me fall deeper and deeper. I realized that you gave me the color like that red sunset in you when my world has spread black. Whenever I fell down, you always gave me the encouragement words. Whenever I felt like I’m not enough, you were there, sitting beside me, and gave me a pat and hug while whispering that I had done my best. You accepted all my flaws, you accepted me as the way I am. Never I’m afraid nor embarrassed to show you my true colors.
But at that cold and suffocating night, I heard you screaming upstairs. I run to your room as fast as I could. Your scream made my heart shattered into pieces because you looked so tormented. Turned out you had a bad dream that made your trauma come to attack you. You hugged yourself while sobbing uncontrollably. You kept repeating that you don’t want to be in this world again, you keep repeating that you already lost all the colors in your life and the reason to live. “I had been in a darkness for a long time. I’m so exhausted being haunted by my past,” he said.
I had never seen you being hysterical like this and it made me so broken. You never showed yourself when you are on your lowest point. Never I imagined that you would suffer this much. All this time you always covered yourself with that beautiful colors and a shinny face. What had you actually been through so far? Why did you never tell me about your hidden colors? Why did you hide it from me?
I moved slowly and started to give you a warm hug. Tears were still in our eyes. Not a single word came from my mouth, but here I was trying to bring forward my strength to you.
“Everything would be fine, I promise,” I whispered to him. “Now please let me take care of you, to hold your hand when you fall, to give you the warmest hug when you feel cold, to guide you when you starting to lose yourself, to give you color so you won’t be in the dark anymore. It’s now my turn. I won’t go anywhere nor getting farther away.”
I will always stay here on your side through storm and hardship. It’s my turn to give you every colors you need to keep you alive.
Inspired by: Colors – Day6
Denpasar, May 14th 2022
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